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I Remember

Four hours in silence. Legs crossed, legs straight, lying flat out on the ground. My lashes wet with tears as my body wracked with the release of judgment, fear, and unworthiness. Four hours to give it up. Four hours to let it go. Four hours to give up on who I thought I was, and return to who I really am.

Recognition and admission. Declaration and surrender. Remembrance.

And when I awoke from my unconscious slumber the aspen tree leaves winked at me, and waved to me in the wind welcoming me back to myself. The sun kissed my body. The cool breeze caressed my skin and tousled my hair like a long lost lover kissing me, loving me, and laughing with me in celebration of my remembrance.

A field of dandelions in seeded caps begged me, “Dance!” “Dance!” “Run through us and scatter us in the wind!” I do. I run, I laugh, I twirl like the little girl I was, yet had forgotten.

I breathed in the smell of lilac in full bloom mixed with the scent of the flower I do not know. I pondered if knowing the name of this fragrant flower would diminish its essence. Is naming a flower a disservice I wonder to the essence of its life?

Spring is everywhere; on the hills, in the valleys, and even high on the snow capped mountaintops. Life springs forth in full bloom, and I can’t believe that I had forgotten. It took nature to remind me.

Too many heavy hours in front of my laptop. Too many sleepless nights stuck in worry. I never realized how far away I was. I never realized that while I couldn’t sleep I was not awake. How serious my life had become.

Four hours in silence, surrounded by aspen trees and snow capped mountains, chirping birds, and dandelions. And I remember!

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